


This Is My Heart, It's On The Line

by shipsn_allthatjazzzz



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s05e05 Save The Cat, F/F, One Shot, adora gets to be mad for once in her life, adora has some gay panic, catra comforts adora, glimmer is a little fed up with these hopeless lesbians, rated teen for some language sprinkled in, reference to noelle's fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26456119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsn_allthatjazzzz/pseuds/shipsn_allthatjazzzz
Summary: There were so many things that Adora could have said at that moment, but she certainly didn’t expect what shedidend up saying—“I hate you so much.”It hurt Adora a lot to say that. She knew that it was what Catra was afraid of, yet she said it anyway. The worst part was, she didn’t even know if she meant it. She waited a long moment, but neither she nor Catra said anything. Adora slowly took her hands away from her eyes, expecting the worst. Her heart dropped at what she actually saw: Catra giving her that dumb, crooked smirk with a cocked eyebrow.“No you don’t, dummy.”
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 161





	This Is My Heart, It's On The Line

**Author's Note:**

> So I was working on homework the other day while listening to Imagine Dragons pre-Night Visions. (That was a mistake; I barely got any work done.) BUT as I was listening to their song Selene, my brain, completely rotten from Catradora, ended up building an AU based on the song. The fic takes place after Save The Cat (kinda like Noelle's missing scene fic). I deviated from canon a tiny bit and added some in-between scenes to make the AU work, but I'm hoping that this fic stays true to the characters and story at their core.
> 
> also there's angst and hurt/comfort >:)

Adora was angry for a long time.

How could she not be? She was taken away from her family as an infant through a portal to be used as a weapon of mass destruction. She was raised in an oppressive, colonialist empire, manipulated and abused by her superiors, and trained to be an officer of their will. She defected once she found the sword and discovered the truth, thank god, but choosing good wasn’t particularly easy, either. She had to leave behind the one whom she cared for the most. Despite countless attempts, no matter how hard she tried, Adora could not get her on her side.

And then there was that portal.

That goddamn portal.

 _“Don’t you get it?! I am_ **_never_ ** _going to go with you!”_

All that time, before that point, Adora tried so hard to not get angry at her. She was misunderstood. She was hurting. Adora thought that maybe, just maybe, one day she would see the light and finally leave that awful place...and she would come back to _her._ It took Adora far too long to realize that she would rather hold on to her pride and destroy the entire world than to accept failure. She did care about _her_ at some point; Adora convinced herself of that much. Now, the only person that she cared about was herself.

That was the first time Adora hit her like that.

Adora vividly remembered the look on her face when she stared her down. Her ears were turned down flat against her head, and her eyes were wide with pupils constricted to pinpricks. She was shocked, then scared, and as she backed away into the darkness she grew defensive. What did she expect? Did she really think that she could get away with treating Adora like that forever? Did she really think that she could convince Adora that this was all _her_ fault?

That day, Adora realized that she was not at fault for every bad thing that happened to her. However, it was still her job to fix it, so that definitely didn’t ease off any pressure.

Fixing the world wasn’t the only thing that was constantly on Adora’s mind— _she_ finally came around. And...well, Adora didn’t really know how to feel about it.

It wasn’t like she had joined out of the goodness in her own heart (if she even had any left, that is). She and Glimmer had gotten captured by Horde Prime after Glimmer nearly set off the Heart of Etheria and destroyed the universe. Adora still had a few unresolved feelings about _that_ as well, but Glimmer was still her best friend and she missed her, and Adora knew that she had good intentions—she had to save her.

But things didn’t go how Adora planned—they never do.

“So, let me make sure I get this right...Catra saved you from Horde Prime? Like, **Catra,** Catra? Why would she do that? It-it doesn’t make any sense.”

The young queen of Brightmoon had still been shaking. “She said she wanted to do one good thing in her life.” Adora could tell by the pained look in her eyes and the wavering in her voice that something seriously wrong had been happening on that ship; something so evil that even Catra had recognized it. Then she had turned to look at Adora, and there was something so soft in the way that she had told her, “She said that she was doing it for you.”

_Well, that makes even less sense._

Adora was shocked at first. Catra had done something for someone other than herself. Then the realization hit her: Catra had done this for _her._ Catra saved Glimmer—the one that took her place as Adora’s best friend—for _her_ sake. Adora’s heart fluttered at the mere thought of it for half a second before she asked herself, why now? Why now, after all the times that Catra had tried to kill her and her friends? Why now, after she had sent a shapeshifting spy to meddle in Adora’s relationship with Glimmer and distract them from the Horde’s plan to take over Salineas? Why now, after she had nearly destroyed the world out of pettiness? Why now, after she had walked away from all the years they spent together, and left Adora for dead in that First Ones ruin?

_“Don’t come here, no matter what. Horde Prime is ready for you.”_

_“Catra, I don’t understand. What is–?”_

_“UGH, JUST LISTEN! ADORA, I’M SORRY! FOR EVERYTHING!”_

Catra had to be in trouble. That’s why she saved Glimmer. She was saving Adora from Horde Prime. That’s why she said she was sorry for everything.

She wasn’t going to come back from that ship.

The weight of understanding that had dragged Adora down to the floor as dread formed in the pit of her stomach. Catra was all alone on a Horde ship somewhere in the middle of space, and this intergalactic Horde was much more powerful than the offshoot on Etheria. Adora knew that Catra didn’t belong in a place like that. So the question was, what was going to happen to her? What if she—

No, Adora couldn’t handle that. She had to go back for her.

The plan had been for Adora to fake a bargain with Horde Prime to buy time for her friends. Bow and Entrapta were to hack into the ship’s server, and Glimmer was to find Catra in her holding cell.

Of course, that plan went wrong too.

Horde Prime hadn’t been keeping Catra in her holding cell. Instead, he had turned her into one of his clones. She had worn the same white uniform, the same _short,_ slicked back hair, and the same lifeless, glowing green eyes as the other clones. Her robotic greeting of “Hello, Adora” had made Adora miss her old taunting and flirtatious drawl. At that moment, Adora would have given anything to see that dumb smirk on her face instead of that dead expression.

Adora ran to her, but two Horde clones held her back. “What did you do to her?!” All she could do was watch as Catra obediently approached the throne of Horde Prime and bowed down before him. The Catra that she knew would’ve jumped on him and beat the absolute crap out of him. This was wrong.

“I have made her anew.” Horde Prime descended from his throne to meet Catra. As he reached his hand out to her, Adora squirmed in the clutches of the two Horde clones and her heart rapidly pounded against her ribcage.

_Don’t you dare touch her._

“I saw her mind, so ensnared in rage, and grief, and pain…” Catra smiled and took Horde Prime’s hand. He helped her stand up and placed his other hand on her shoulder. “...and I brought her to the light.” His four eyes looked back at Adora. He was so proud of himself, that bastard. Adora wanted to wipe that stupid expression off his face.

_“My place is with Horde Prime, Adora. I don’t want to leave. Prime has given me peace, something you could never do. You broke my heart, but he has made it whole again. Don’t you see? This is for the best. I’m happy here. You could be happy too.”_

Those words cut like knives. She never forgave Adora for leaving. Of course, Adora never meant to leave _her,_ and she knew that Catra knew that, but it didn’t matter now. It never did. Adora had promised to look after her, and she broke that promise. She had failed the one that she cared for the most, and Catra had to deal with the consequences.

_You broke my heart._

Horde Prime had the nerve to offer to give Catra back to Adora in exchange for She-Ra, _if_ she wanted her. He must have seen everything. He had seen Catra’s pain and now he was weaponizing it against them. Hell, he had weaponized _Catra herself—_ he had made her attack Adora and throw herself off of the platform.

_“Disappointing. Some creatures are destined only for destruction.”_

Adora remembered the pure terror in Catra’s eyes. She remembered the way Catra screamed out in pain as the chip on her neck electrocuted her system. She remembered the way Catra blacked out, and the way her lifeless body fell over the edge. Adora should have been standing closer to her. There was no feeling like the one she felt as she watched Catra fall. Adora jumped after her. Catra hit the ground hard, but Adora couldn’t reach her. She just kept on falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and falling and—

“Adora?” A voice called her out of her time loop. She woke up screaming and threw up her fists, ready to beat up anyone that tried to hurt her; but warm hands gently placed themselves on her fists. “Woah, hey, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Glimmer had knelt down in front of her. “G-G-Glimmer? W-where’s C-Catra? I have to–!”

Glimmer moved her hands to Adora’s shoulders and held her down as she tried to take off. “Woah, no you don’t. It’s okay now, Adora. Catra’s safe. You saved her. It’s okay now.”

Adora’s voice wavered, “I...I saved her…?”

Glimmer warmly smiled at her. “Yeah, you did. You saved all of us. We were surrounded by Horde clones, but She-Ra came back just in time and we were able to get out of there. You were incredible.”

Adora’s memory slowly returned. She had been holding Catra in her arms. Catra was dying. Horde clones gathered around them in a circle like they were watching some tragic scene. The situation was hopeless, and yet, Adora was able to transform into She-Ra. It was the first time she had been able to do it since she had broken the sword (that one time in the cave when they were looking for fuel didn’t count). Adora thought that She-Ra was long gone, but in reality she was still a part of her. It was like she had found a missing piece and found a way to activate her...but what that missing piece _was,_ Adora wasn’t sure. She could always find out later. Right now she was just glad that she was able to access She-Ra when she did, otherwise, Catra would be…

Adora didn’t even realize that her hands had been shaking until Glimmer held them again. “Hey, Adora...what happened back there?”

She couldn’t meet Glimmer’s eyes. “I...I don’t really want to talk about it.” Glimmer slightly nodded and gave her hands a small, reassuring squeeze. Adora remembered that she had decided to sit in the hall right outside Catra’s door in case she needed anything. She must have fallen asleep. “So...any idea what time it is?”

Glimmer sighed, “I don’t know. Late. Entrapta and, um, _Wrong Hordak_ have been working this whole time to get the ship in working condition again while Bow’s been piloting. I haven’t really been able to sleep so I’ve been helping them out...I decided to check on you, and I saw that you were having a nightmare...I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

“...thanks. I’m fine–well, I’m _not,_ really–I mean, I-I’m fine! I am, it’s just–”

Glimmer chuckled, _“Adora. Relax._ You don’t need to lie to me to make me feel better. It’s okay if you’re not okay. That last mission was _a lot,_ and it was pretty scary. All of us are still pretty shaken up over it, so you’re not alone. We’re all here for you if you need us. You know that, right?”

Adora smiled back at her. “Yeah, of course I do. Thank you, Glimmer.” She turned her head towards the door beside her. “I need to check on her. She’s probably still asleep, but I just want to make sure she’s safe.”

Glimmer helped her stand up and gave her a quick hug. “Try not to bother her too much, okay?”

Adora opened the door to the small, faintly lit room. Catra’s small, broken frame was still curled up and asleep on the bed. She hadn’t touched the water bottle that Adora brought in last time, but Adora noticed that she had kicked the blanket to the floor again. She wondered if Catra actually wanted the blanket on, but she didn’t want to ask her if it meant waking her up. Still, she noticed that Catra was slightly shivering, so she picked up the blanket and pulled it back over her. Catra didn’t move a muscle, and she seemed far too rigid...Adora wondered if she was feigning sleep.

Whatever, it didn’t matter. Adora would be there for her, whether she liked it or not.

_“Why did you come back for me?”_

She had already asked that question before. What else was Adora supposed to say?

 _“Because...you’re_ **_Catra._ ** _”_

She had pulled her hand away. Adora told her that she mattered—she mattered to _her—_ and yet she kept pulling away. Why couldn’t she let Adora in?

The following day, one of those times Adora went to check on her again, she heard a yell as she approached the door. Adora panicked. She couldn’t leave Catra alone with herself again. Putting on a hopeful face, she opened the door, and was met by Catra bolting up out of her sleep with a scream. “Hey, hey, it’s just me.”

“Huh…?” Catra was so small and vulnerable. Adora wanted to do anything she could to make her feel safe. She joined Catra at the edge of the bed and gave her a gentle smile. She had hoped that Catra would take the offer, but her walls came back up and she growled, turning on her side away from her. Adora reached out to touch her, but she stopped herself.

Adora stumbled over her words as she asked, “Are you–still getting the flashes?”

Without missing a beat, Catra replied, “Yes. I keep having this horrible vision of a blond girl, who thinks she’s better than everyone, barging into my room all day.” She lifted her head and turned around and glared at her. “Oh, wait.” Then she plopped her head back down on the pillow with an aggravated thud.

_Well, screw you, t--no, Adora, you can’t say that._

Catra was already testing her patience, but Adora couldn’t let herself give up that easily. She and Catra were finally reunited after all these years! That had to mean something, right? “We’ll find a way to get the chip off,” she told Catra, still keeping her hopeful expression. “If you’d just let Entrapta take a look at it, I bet she could–”

Catra threw her pillow over her head. Her muffled, agitated voice cut through the pillow, “I _don’t_ wanna see anyone, okay? Not you, not Arrow Boy or Sparkles, and definitely not Entrapta.”

Adora removed the pillow from Catra’s face. Catra glared at her for a moment before turning away again. “So, you’re just gonna hide in here forever? You’ll have to face them sometime.”

Catra’s ear twitched. “No, I don’t. Just, drop me off on the closest planet. I’ll make my own way.”

A burning feeling started to bubble up in Adora’s chest. “What, so Horde Prime can capture you again?”

“I can take care of myself!”

Adora didn’t have time for this. She stared at Catra for a moment—curled up in an angry little ball, acting like a child—before throwing the mattress off the bed and sending Catra flying a few feet. The burning came out in Adora’s quickly spoken words, “I promised I’d take you home and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” She stared Catra down, but Catra stared right back. Catra wasn’t willing to surrender, not even after everything that they had just gone through, and that baffled Adora. “Why are you acting like this?! We saved your life!”

Catra’s ears tilted back as she stood up to meet Adora, inches away from her face. “I told you not to come back!” she growled. “But you just love feeling like a hero, don’t you?!”

Catra was trying to get under Adora’s skin, and it was working. A regular _hero_ didn’t come back for her. Why couldn’t she understand that? “You’d rather I left you there to die?!”

“WHAT DO YOU CARE?! I KNOW YOU ALL HATE ME!!”

“I NEVER HATED YOU!”

Well, that did the trick, at least for a moment. Catra saw the quivering of Adora’s lower lip and she stopped. She backed off just a tiny bit and stared at her dumbstruck. Then her eyebrows furrowed and she stared at Adora with something else in her eyes, and she turned away and retreated back to the mattress on the floor. “Then you’re even dumber than I thought,” she said with a waver in her voice. “Just...leave me alone.”

_No, no, no. No, that wasn’t what she was supposed to say. She was supposed to say, “Woah, Adora, you really care about me, don’t you? I’m sorry for being such a stubborn brat. I’ll try my hardest to change.” What did I expect? She’s just as selfish as ever._

“I’m such an idiot,” Adora sighed to herself. She glanced at Catra, hoping that she’d say something to confirm or deny that statement, but she didn’t even move. “I thought things would be different this time, but clearly, nothing has changed.” Then she left without saying another word. She didn’t even close the door behind her; it was an invitation for Catra to change her mind, to run after Adora, to tell her that she was sorry. Adora stopped once she was far enough away that Catra couldn’t hear her footsteps and waited in the hall. She tried her hardest not to look back; that would have been a dead giveaway. Adora waited for about two minutes before she realized that this was stupid. She ran into the bathroom, slammed her fist into the wall, and finally let herself cry as she sank to the floor.

Adora was angry for a long time.

When she finally regained her composure, Adora stormed over to the cockpit. She needed to vent to someone about this. As Adora entered the room, she heard Bow tell Entrapta, “No, we are NOT going into the asteroid field.”

Entrapta whined, “Ohhhh, but Bowwww, imagine how fun it would be!”

Bow replied, “It’d be fun if our ship wasn’t falling apart.”

“I told you, you’ll have to be patient. Ever since Glimmer stole Wrong Hordak away to make dinner, I haven’t been able to work at as much of an efficient pace,” Entrapta explained.

Bow groaned, “I’m pretty sure she’s going to give us all food poisoning.” He glanced over his shoulder as he heard Adora approaching. “Hey. What’s up?”

Adora twiddled her thumbs. “Are...are you guys busy? Because I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy…”

“Well, I’m steering the ship, and Entrapta’s still working on repairs, so I’d say we have our hands full right now.” Adora let out a dejected sigh, and Bow turned his head back toward her and looked at her with concern. “Hey, are you okay? I just meant if you needed us to do something else–Adora, we’re not too busy if you need someone to talk to–”

“ASTEROID!” Entrapta screamed.

Bow shrieked as he steered the ship away from an incoming asteroid. Adora yelped and nearly fell over on her face from the ship’s sharp movement. “You know what?” she nervously laughed. “I think–I think I’ll go talk to Glimmer.”

“Sorry!” Bow called after her as she left.

“It’s okay!” Adora called back. “Focus on doing your pilot-y things, I’ll be fine!” Anxiety built up in the pit of her stomach as she searched the ship for Glimmer. What if Glimmer had set the kitchen on fire? Who was she supposed to talk to then?

She found Glimmer alone, digging through boxes in the pantry. Glimmer perked up when she heard Adora enter and gave her a sympathetic smile. “I take it you checked on Catra and it didn’t go so well?” Adora replied with a defeated nod. “Okay, tell me what happened,” she said, peering back into the box. “I need to look for ingredients, but I’m still listening.”

Adora sighed and started pacing back and forth. “I don’t understand why she’s acting like this. I’m trying to be nice to her, you know? I mean, I’m not saying that like I wouldn’t be. Like, I have every reason to get back at her for everything that she’s done to me, but I can’t. I’m not going to. Why can’t she see that? She has to be all, ‘I don’t want to see anyone,’ and ‘just drop me off on the nearest planet, I’ll make my own way,’ and ‘I can take care of myself,’ and I’m like ‘sure, just let Horde Prime capture you again, you clearly don’t seem to be worried about that!’”

“Sounds like she’s scared,” Glimmer said.

Adora paused for a moment. If what Glimmer said was true (and it probably was), Adora felt like a jerk for yelling at her like that. Then Catra’s words came back to sting her again, like they always do, and she gave in to the anger. “What is she so afraid of? I told her I wasn’t going to give up on her. I promised her I was going to take her home. I told her that she mattered to _me_ so why does she insist on living like no one cares about her when that’s not true?”

 _That_ piqued Glimmer’s interest. She popped her head out of the box and looked at Adora. “Why don’t you just tell her how you feel?”

Adora stopped pacing. “I already did that.”

“No, _really_ tell her how you feel,” Glimmer clarified. Adora just stared at her. She sighed and continued searching the box.

Adora didn’t understand what _that_ meant. “I already did that, but she’s…” Adora groaned and started pacing again. “Catra is driving me crazy! I thought we actually stood a chance of fixing things this time, but after everything we’ve been through, she’s still a stubborn brat!” She kicked down a tower of boxes to emphasize her point.

“This is _Catra_ we’re talking about,” Glimmer said. She approached Adora with ingredients gathered in her arms and asked her, “Did you think she was going to just, _instantly_ become a totally different person?”

“No! I just–” Adora sighed, relenting, “I thought she’d at least try. We all risked our lives to save her and she can’t even say ‘thank you’? Can you believe that?” She grabbed a pack of space food in her hands as she talked, then the anger returned when she finished and she chucked it away from her.

The pack met the face of the Horde clone gone rogue patiently standing in the doorway, exploding on impact. He still smiled as the purple goop slid down his face and chest. “I believe in Horde Prime,” he said with a bow.

Adora gaped at him. She wondered how long he had been standing there. “Uh...what’s he doing here again?” she asked Glimmer.

“Oh, he’s helping me make dinner,” Glimmer replied, walking toward the clone to stand beside him.

“True nourishment comes from the favor of Horde Prime! Also from nutrient-rich amniotic fluid.” He pulled out a small, diamond-shaped capsule of green fluid and offered it to Glimmer. Adora shivered when she saw it—realizing it was the same stuff that was being injected into Horde Prime when she first met him.

Glimmer backed away from the capsule of strange fluid. “Yeeaaaahhhh, well, we’re not eating that.” She looked down at the ingredients in her arms. “I think these rations were Mara’s. Does space food expire?” She pulled a purple-colored transparent bag out of the mix and held it up to Adora. “What does this one say?”

Adora sighed and read the cyan First Ones’ writing, “Dehydrated protein slaw.” She gave Glimmer an awkward smile. “Yum?”

At that moment, Bow called them over to the cockpit. Sensors had picked up Horde ships tailing them. Entrapta suggested that they hide in the asteroid field, and since they couldn’t come up with a better plan, they decided to do just that (despite Bow’s reasonable concerns). Entrapta stared ahead into space with stars in her eyes as Bow weaved the ship through the asteroid field.

Once Bow settled on a spot, he decided, “Okay, we should be safe in here. Even if they’re looking for us we’ll be impossible to spot among the asteroids.”

Of course, a shot from a Horde ship hit theirs right after he said that. Everyone that had been standing stumbled to the floor as the ship lurched. The timing was almost comedic, really.

“We have taken damage,” Darla announced. “Hull integrity at sixty percent.”

Entrapta crawled forward and placed part of her hair on the monitor. A holographic screen appeared in front of her, showing two enemy ships trailing right behind them. “Horde ships coming right for us!”

Adora’s heart was racing. This didn’t make any sense. The Horde hadn’t been able to track Mara’s ship before. Why now? “How did they find us?!”

As Bow steered the ship through the asteroid field, Entrapta reached for her tracker pad and backed away from the ship monitor. “Horde Prime may not be able to track Darla,” she explained, examining the readings on her tracker pad, “but something onboard is sending up a trace signal. _That_ must be what they’re following!”

_A trace signal...it couldn’t be Wrong Hordak. Bow said he accidentally fried his brains and separated him from the hive mind. It has to be something else...something that had been connected to Horde Prime—_

The realization sent chills down Adora’s spine. They really couldn’t get away from him.

“Those flashes Catra’s been getting? That signal’s coming from her chip, isn’t it?” Anger rose up in her throat—anger at Horde Prime for being such an insufferable piece of flaming garbage and _still_ finding a way to use Catra, and anger at Catra for not letting Entrapta take out the chip. If she had, they probably wouldn’t have been in this situation right now. Adora wanted to scream. “Once again, Catra is ruining our lives!” She grabbed Entrapta by the hand and dragged her out of the room with her.

“Wait! Entrapta hasn’t fixed the shields yet!” Bow objected.

“THEN TRY NOT TO HIT ANYTHING,” Adora snapped back. Catra seemed to be in the middle of having one of her flashes as Adora came back to her. She almost felt bad, but then she remembered that those flashes were sending signals to Horde Prime, and she became angry again. She grabbed Entrapta by the wrist and brought her into Catra’s room. Entrapta had been staring down at her tracker pad the whole time, so she was surprised when she realized where she was. She let out a small gasp as she saw Catra for the first time in months.

Catra panicked when she saw her. Her ears tilted down and she backed away to the wall behind her. “What is she doing in here?! I told you I want to be alone!”

“Entrapta’s going to remove your chip,” Adora said plainly. The bed was in the same condition from their fight earlier, so Entrapta used her hair to put everything back in place.

“You’re going to let her operate on me?!” Catra asked incredulously. “She’ll kill me!”

“Me? Why would I wanna hurt you?” Entrapta asked. “Ohhhhh, you mean because you sent me to Beast Island, stole my work and used it to rip a hole in the fabric of space and time?” Adora took note of Catra averting her eyes in guilt as Entrapta spoke. “I get it. Hold still!” Entrapta lowered her space mask and pulled out six tools with her hair, holding them out in the shape of an octopus.

Catra’s fur bristled and her tail puffed out. “STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

Adora stormed toward her, fed up with her childish behavior. “Catra, Horde Prime is tracking that chip. He’s coming for us, _right now.”_ Catra backed away into the corner of the room, but Adora kept going. She held her arm out in front of her when Adora came close, but Adora grabbed her by the wrist and pinned her against the wall as she stared her down. “So, grow up and let us remove it, or we’re all dead.” Catra’s aggressive front was gone. She was small and vulnerable again. She slid down halfway as Adora backed off, and stared at her with those sorry, heterochromatic eyes. Part of Adora wanted to reach out and hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but they were past that point—Catra had pushed her too far. “We’re doing this. Then if you think hiding from the people you hurt will make you feel better, we’ll drop you off and you’ll never have to see us again.” Adora closed her eyes, letting her own words sink in. She meant it; she’d let Catra leave again if that was what she chose. She’d let her abandon everything that they had been through, and the possibility of rebuilding their relationship, if that was what she really wanted. It hurt Adora so much that she didn’t even know the words to describe it.

_“You’ll never have to see me again.”_

Adora began to turn away, as she was unsure if she could keep her composure for much longer. Then Catra’s weak voice stopped her, “Okay.” Adora turned around and saw Catra on the floor, her head hung low. “I’ll do it. Just…” Catra brought her head up and her eyes bore into Adora’s soul, pleading some sort of unspoken request. Adora felt a squirming feeling under her skin and a flutter in her stomach, but she stayed still. “Just stay with me while I do it, okay?”

Adora sat with her on the bed as Entrapta prepped for the procedure. Catra held onto Adora’s hands, curling her fingers into them, but Adora didn’t let herself think too much about it. “Experiment number nine-eight-two: Removal of embedded Horde chip,” Entrapta spoke into her digital voice recorder. She knelt down on the bed behind Catra and stared excitedly at the chip on the nape of her neck. “Let’s begin!”

Adora gave Catra a hopeful look as Entrapta used tweezers to pull away from the chip covering and start poking at the wires. Catra flinched, then she suddenly gasped, “Wait. Not yet.”

“Catra, we don’t have time,” Adora told her.

Catra insisted, “I can help you, okay?” She shrank in stature and her eyes became downcast. Her voice wavered as she spoke. “When...Horde Prime was...using me, I felt…” She struggled to get the sentence out, and Adora could feel her heart breaking into a million pieces. “It’s like, um...it’s like all his clones a-are connected to some kind of hive mind and I was part of it.”

Adora placed her hand on Catra’s shoulder. “Those flashes you’re getting?”

“It’s him,” Catra confirmed. “He’s still in there. He can…” Catra realized that she was shaking, so she placed her hand over the chip and forced herself to stop. “He can still see me, but maybe I can see him too. I can find out what he’s planning.”

Adora couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Why would Catra risk herself like that after Horde Prime hurt her so much? “No, you can’t risk letting him back into your head.”

 _“Adora,”_ Catra protested, her voice surprisingly firm, “you have to let me try, otherwise you’re gonna do something stupid and get yourself killed.” She was still unsure, but then Catra brought her own hand up to Adora’s and squeezed it. “Please, let me do this.” Catra’s mind was dead-set on this plan, and Adora knew that there was no changing it. She looked back at Entrapta and gave her a nod, and Entrapta backed off.

Catra closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I can feel him,” she said. “He’s...he’s angry.” She grunted and flinched from the flashes. Her eyes opened and found Adora, arms out and ready to comfort her. Instead of taking the offer, Catra closed her eyes again and focused. “He wants revenge. He wants to make you hurt. He’s...attacking Etheria...no. No, no, no, not attacking; something new is happening. There’s so much noise...he’s…” Adora noticed that she started to shake again. She placed her hands on top of Catra’s. _“He’s chipping them. H-he’s going to chip them all!”_ Her eyes flew open and she gasped. Beads of sweat were running down her face. She looked as afraid as Adora felt. _“Horde Prime is taking control of Etheria!”_

“No. He…” Adora shook her head. “H-he can’t!”

“It’s already happening! You gotta stop him!”

The ship lurched, and their first instinct was to reach for each other. Adora felt her heart pounding from learning about Horde Prime’s plans, and from finally holding Catra in her arms for the first time since she healed her. The ship kept on taking hits and Adora didn’t dare let go. She didn’t want to let Catra go ever again, especially not when Catra held onto her for dear life like this. However, Darla’s voice cut into her train of thought., “The hull has sustained multiple fractures. We will be unable to withstand another full-on strike.”

Both her and Catra pulled away at the same time. “Adora…” Catra had this look in her eyes, like there was so much that she wanted to say, but then her expression hardened. “Go. You need to stop him.”

Adora gave her a half-hearted smirk. “I will. Etheria needs us, and I won’t let him hurt anyone else.” A force suddenly pulled her forward, and she put her arms around Catra. She felt Catra gasp in her embrace as she promised, “I’m going to get us out of here.” When she released, something in her mind clicked. She got up and summoned She-Ra’s new sword out of thin air before she transformed for the second time. Something about this new She-Ra already felt so _natural,_ while the original had been foreign to her for so long. From the wings on her boots, to the heart at her chest, to the crown at her head, each part of her held some sort of significance. She marched down the hall of the ship to the entrance and stared down the ships that were ready to take her out. Horde Prime thought that he had Adora all figured out, but like she had told him before—

_You miscalculated._

Adora had never felt so powerful before. She leaped across asteroids with lightning speed, leading the Horde ahead and away from her friends in the ship. One ship shot at her, but her sword took in all the energy and redirected it back, decimating the ship in a single blow. Other ships she was able to cut in half with just one stroke of her sword. After taking out the threat, she made her way back to Mara’s ship and stood on top of it. Using the sword, she summoned a large wave of energy then sent it flying in front of her. The Horde ships exploded like fireworks on impact. Finally, for now, she felt safe again.

Long after the battle was over, Glimmer made dinner for everyone just like she had promised (and Wrong Hordak helped, of course). She had somehow figured out how to make dumplings from dehydrated protein slaw, and they were actually _really_ good. The energy of the room was lively as Bow told everyone how he and Glimmer steered the ship through the asteroid field, and as Glimmer explained how she and Wrong Hordak made the food, and as Entrapta went on about how much she loved tiny food...and yet Adora felt like something was missing. She had felt that way ever since she de-transformed from She-Ra. Adora was hoping that _she_ had changed her mind...she even offered to have her join the others for dinner, but she never came…

“Hey, Entrapta?” Adora suddenly asked. Her voice didn’t sound like her own. “How far away are we from the nearest planet?”

Adora was angry for a long time.

She didn’t end up eating much. Now she lied awake in her bed as her mind raced at the speed of a runaway freight. Adora knew better than to check on Catra; she’d only push her away. That’s all that she ever did, and yet, how was Adora supposed to walk away from that? How was she supposed to walk away from all those memories that haunted her in her dreams every night? The good _and_ the bad...it was all she ever thought about, whenever she wasn’t trying to be a leader or not die. However, even then? It was still always there in the back of her mind, calling out and taunting her, the way that Catra always did. Catra just _knew_ how to get under her skin and inside her head, and once she was there, she never left. Never. The best friend from her childhood, the one she desperately tried to protect from Shadow Weaver, the fellow Horde soldier in training, the cat that would curl up and sleep at her feet at night in the barracks, the new Force Captain that laughed at her dumb tiara, the girl in the dashing dark red suit at princess prom, the enemy that tried to destroy her and everything she loved, the dumbass that sacrificed herself to save Glimmer even though everyone would come back for her and save her life anyway...Adora felt every single version of her wherever she went.

Now Catra wanted to leave her for good.

Adora cursed under her breath and stormed over to Catra’s room. Catra looked shocked when she opened the door, but she wasn’t afraid like she was earlier. “Hey,” she greeted Adora. “Uh...can I help you?”

_She’s acting differently._

Adora stumbled over her words. “Y-you uh, you...you missed dinner.”

Catra blinked at her. “Yeah. I wasn’t hungry.” Her stomach grumbled at that moment, and Catra flinched under Adora’s suspicion. “Okay, so I didn’t really have much of an appetite. I guess I’m a little hungry now, but it’s fine. I can wait until tomorrow morning...whenever that is.”

Something twisted Adora’s gut. Why was Catra suddenly so calm? Why wasn’t she screaming at Adora to go away? “So, what, do you want me to get you leftovers or something?”

“No, Adora, you don’t have to do that–”

Adora cut her off, “Oh, of course! I don’t _have_ to do that!”

The outburst caught them both off-guard. Catra’s eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed at Adora with a knowing look. “You’re pissed,” she stated.

 _“No shit I’m pissed, Catra!”_ She started shaking as she suddenly felt all of her emotions spilling out of her. She became scared as she realized she was losing control. “But this is what you want, isn’t it? You want me like this. You want me to set course for the nearest planet and drop you off there, so that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Catra’s eyes widened. “Adora…”

Adora tucked in her arms in a subconscious attempt to console herself, but it wasn’t working. “It’s all gonna be okay. You’ll finally get what you’ve always wanted, and you don’t have the chip anymore, so it’s not like Horde Prime can find you that easily. You...y-you can be _all alone_ on a–on a d-desolate planet and make your own way...and–and you’ll...y-you’ll never h-have to see me again–”

Catra shot up from her bed and bolted to meet Adora where she was. She took her shaking hands and said, “Adora, I...I am _so_ sorry for what I said to you earlier. I...I didn’t mean it. I want you to stay.”

Adora quickly yanked her own hands away. “YOU want ME to stay?!” Catra blinked as tears started running down Adora’s face. “For crying out loud, Catra, you didn’t have to stay with the Horde for as long as you did! From the very beginning, I _begged_ you to come with me. Yet you felt the need to prove yourself to people that constantly manipulated and abused you, even though _I_ was right there on the other side, waiting for you to come around. _I_ care about you, Catra. Why do you want to leave so badly?!”

“I don’t,” Catra replied. She was crying now too. “I never did. I just thought…” Adora waited for the rest of the sentence, but it never came. She brought her hands up over her eyes, her fingernails digging into her scalp. Catra didn’t want to leave. She never did. That was supposed to make her feel good. Why did it make her feel so _wrong?_

There were so many things that Adora could have said at that moment, but she certainly didn’t expect what she _did_ end up saying—

“I hate you so much.”

It hurt Adora a lot to say that. She knew that it was what Catra was afraid of, yet she said it anyway. The worst part was, she didn’t even know if she meant it. She waited a long moment, but neither she nor Catra said anything. Adora slowly took her hands away from her eyes, expecting the worst. Her heart dropped at what she actually saw: Catra giving her that dumb, crooked smirk with a cocked eyebrow.

“No you don’t, dummy.”

_Okay, what the HELL has gotten into her?_

Adora felt her face flush as she sputtered, “Are...a-are y-you kidding?!”

Catra crossed her arms, still wearing that dumb expression. “No, but you clearly are.”

“AM NOT?!”

Catra chuckled. For a split second, Adora could still see her wild mane and her brand new Force Captain pin. “Fine,” she said, getting closer to Adora until their faces were inches apart. “Prove it.”

Catra was so close that Adora almost forgot how to speak. “W-what…?”

“Prove to me that you’ll hate me, and I’ll gladly be on my way,” Catra told her.

Adora shoved her back. This was all too much. “You’re such a stubborn brat!”

“Uh, duh.”

Before Adora knew it, they were wrestling on the floor. Glimmer stopped by a few moments later, when Adora had Catra pinned down to the floor, and Catra used one hand to pull on Adora’s ponytail and the other to try and push her face away. Glimmer glared at them both with tired, cranky eyes. “WHAT are you two doing?!” she demanded.

“LEAVE US ALONE!” Adora and Catra barked at the same time. Glimmer only groaned, rolled her eyes, and closed the door and walked away.

Adora was distracted as she watched Glimmer leave, so Catra took the opportunity to switch positions. She pushed Adora off, grabbed her by her biceps and slammed her back down to the floor, turned her face-down, and rolled on top of her all in one swift motion that Adora didn’t even realize what was happening until her face met the floor. Her left arm desperately reached back. “Get off!” Catra grabbed her arm and held on to it, gradually pulling it back. “I mean it, Catra! Get off of me right now!” Catra kept pulling and Adora’s shoulder began to hurt. “Stop it, that hurts!” She twisted Adora’s arm, and her joints screamed out in pain. _“OW! STOP IT! STOP, IT HURTS! YOU’RE HURTING ME, CATRA! STOP, PLEASE!”_

Catra suddenly let go. She scampered back to the corner of the room, as far away from Adora as possible. Adora sat up and held her arm, carefully rolling her shoulder. She turned her head toward Catra and was ready to tell her off until she saw that she was shaking and her eyes were full of panic.

_Crap, not again._

Adora slowly made her way to Catra. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re safe here. I’m fine–”

 _“Just stay away from me and shut up for a second,”_ Catra snapped. Adora froze in place two feet away from her. Catra closed her eyes, tucked in her arms, and took deep breaths to ground herself. _“Dumbass,”_ she breathed. Then she opened her eyes and stared back at Adora, waiting for her next move.

Then it finally spilled out of her in a sob: _“You broke my heart, too.”_

Catra’s ears twitched. Her eyes widened in surprise, but the light in them quickly faded and they watched Adora silently, knowing. “Defecting from the Horde and joining the Rebellion and becoming She-Ra, it was all so new and different and terrifying, and I _needed_ you, Catra. I needed you _s-so bad._ I...I f-felt like a failure, and you...y-you a-always put me down and told me that I was. I was–I was s-struggling and I n-needed my best friend.” Catra scooted forward and offered her arms, and Adora gladly took the offer. She sank into Catra’s warm embrace and buried her face into her shoulder, sobs wracking her body in between each sentence. “And...and–and I knew i-it w-wasn’t all your fault. I knew...I knew how much you were hurting...and n-no matter how hard I tried...there was nothing I could do. There was no way I could go back to the Horde. I couldn’t...I couldn’t give you what y-you wanted, and that _killed_ me, Catra. And I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I...I couldn’t make you see…” Catra gently shushed her and rubbed her back. “I...I felt like I failed you...but y-you hurt me too, Catra.”

“I know,” Catra said, still tracing her fingers up and down Adora’s spine. Adora felt the low rumble of her voice in her chest. “I’m _really_ sorry, Adora, and I know that doesn’t fix everything, but...now I want to try. I’ll do anything.”

Adora sniffled, “Not pushing me away would be a start.”

She felt Catra let out a breathy chuckle. “Okay. Whatever you want, Princess.”

_Princess._

It had never been said like that before. Catra had used the word a few times in her fights with Adora to mock her, but now...now there was so much _warmth_ in it. She said it like Adora was royalty and she’d do anything for her, and Adora believed it. She let herself relax in Catra’s arms.

“So, what was that just now?” she asked Catra in a voice barely louder than a whisper. “What did you want me to prove, exactly?”

Catra sighed, “Nothing...I just needed to prove to myself that you were an actual person with actual emotions.” Adora tilted her head up and glared at Catra. “What? You refused to be upset with me. _That’s weird, Adora._ I thought that you were being nice to just be nice, and then you’d take me out whenever the opportunity came, so I thought that I’d save you the trouble.”

Surprisingly, Adora giggled a little bit. “Did you seriously believe that?”

Catra groaned, “It’s been a rough couple weeks. Scorpia defected and Double Trouble got captured, so I guess...I got paranoid...I don’t know…”

“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” Adora quickly said. “I wasn’t trying to dismiss you, I just meant...you _know_ me, Catra. You know I’d never do that, especially not to you, especially not after you almost–” Adora cut herself off. It still hurt her too much to think about it.

Catra blinked at her, but then she softly smiled. “I did, you know,” she told Adora. “I was definitely gone, but you brought me back.” Her eyes twinkled at her. “You know that cats have nine lives?” Adora groaned. “No, I’m serious, I’ve been keeping track. That was my last life, but I’m pretty sure She-Ra gave me a reset and now I’ve got all nine again.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Really?” Catra taunted. “No one’s ever told me that before.”

Adora went on, “You’re infuriating, troublesome, stubborn, headstrong, reckless, audacious, overwhelming…” Her voice trailed off as Catra started to laugh. It wasn’t that heartless cackle from when she nearly destroyed the world, nor was it that strained giggle from when she fought Horde Prime for control of herself, but her actual _laugh._ That light-hearted chuckle with the squeak that’d occasionally sneak in. Adora hadn't heard it in so long. She gazed up at Catra's face and let her eyes soak in every single feature: The crinkle beside those turquoise and amber eyes and the freckles dotted underneath, the curve and shape of her nose, the little fangs peeking through her smile, her mouth…

_Pretty._

“Hey, did the dictionary inside your head run out of words?” Catra’s joke snapped Adora out of her daze. Adora felt her face flush as she averted her eyes. How long had she been staring?

At that moment, Catra’s stomach rumbled again, and it was her turn to blush. “I’m kinda hungry too,” Adora said. “What do you say we sneak into the kitchen and eat all the leftovers?”

Catra cocked an eyebrow. “Sparkles isn’t going to be happy.”

Adora released herself from Catra’s embrace and playfully punched her arm. “She wasn’t happy that you missed out earlier, brat. Besides, I bet she’s already pissed at us for waking her up. What more harm will this do?”

Catra laughed again. “god, you’re mean.”

“Uhh, not any meaner than you,” Adora jested.

The two of them barely contained their giggles as they snuck off into the kitchen and dug into the leftover dumplings. “Wow, this is actually really good,” Catra said. “Are you _sure_ that Sparkles made this?”

Adora remarked, “See, if she heard that, she’d probably hit you.”

“Eh, whatever, she’s already kicked my ass once before. Can’t be any worse than that.” She sighed after taking another bite. “Ugh, I didn’t realize how much I missed real food. I want to go back home and eat everything I can.”

Adora smiled at her. “Well, you will. I promised that I’d take you home, remember?”

“You’ve promised me a lot of things. I have, too.” Catra’s eyes became distant. “We’re not very good at promises...are we?”

Adora reassured her. “Not necessarily. We promised to look after each other, and we did for a long time. I mean, we both kinda broke that promise and a lot of bad things happened, but we’re together now, and that’s what’s important, right?” Catra seemed to relax a little. “We also promised that it would be the two of us at the end of the world, and look; we’re together, and the world hasn’t ended yet.”

Catra chuckled. “Yet.” But the light-hearted mood remained with them. “You promised me that we’d both be Force Captain.”

Adora groaned, “We were _so_ close with that one. I guess I had to find the sword and defect _literally_ a day after becoming Force Captain, and then you replaced me not too long after that.”

Catra smirked. “Hordak actually made me Force Captain himself. No thanks to Shadow Weaver—she was still so hell-bent on getting you back.”

“Well, Shadow Weaver’s a bitch,” Adora spat, and that got a good laugh out of Catra. “No, I’m serious, the whole time she’s been at Brightmoon, she’s like, **_‘I am going to manipulate your friend to get myself more power,’_** and, _‘_ ** _Adora, you have to use the Heart of Etheria, think of all the POWER, I don’t give a shit if it nearly destroyed the universe once,’_** and I’m thinking ‘shut the hell up, why are you even here?’”

Catra gasped in between laughs, “AND WHEN SHE FINDS OUT YOU SAVED ME FROM HORDE PRIME’S SHIP AND ALMOST DIED?!”

Adora howled with laughter. “She’s gonna be so mad!!”

“No, no, no, she’s gonna be like, **_‘goddammit, Catra. All you ever do is cause trouble._ ** _’”_

_“You ARE trouble!”_

“You’re damn right I am!”

Adora held up her shaking hands. _“Shhhh!! Shh!!! We should be quiet, or Glimmer’s gonna yell at us again!”_

Catra wheezed as she desperately tried to stifle her laughter. _“REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME I PROMISED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO HUNT LIKE A CAT?!”_

They went on like that for a while, reliving all the promises that they did and didn’t keep. Neither one kept track of time—it felt like eternity passing by in seconds. When they both calmed down, Adora decided, “Hey, how about we make each other a promise, right now, and actually try to keep it?”

“Yeah, shoot,” Catra replied.

“Let’s promise to not hurt each other like we did ever again.” The smile from Catra’s face instantly fell, and Adora internally kicked herself for ruining the mood. “Catra...it’s okay. We can do this.”

Catra hugged her knees to her chest, and her tail wrapped itself around her ankles. “I don’t know, Adora...I mean, I never want to hurt you like that again. You know that. But...I’m gonna mess up sometimes...not like that, but…” She sighed. “I’m going to make some mistakes. I’m going to hurt you. I wish I could be perfect for you, but I can’t.”

_Perfect._

Adora gave her a reassuring smile. “That’s okay. Then you just apologize, and the other person forgives you.” Catra’s ears perked up and tilted forward. “Here, I’ll go first: I’m sorry I said that I hated you...I don’t.”

Catra smiled back. “I forgive you.” Then her eyes became downcast and she subconsciously reached for the back of her neck. “I...I’m sorry I twisted your arm. I don’t know what got into me.”

Adora’s heart sank. If Catra felt as awful as she looked, and she really didn’t know what got into her…

Adora sighed. Recovering from the trauma of Horde Prime’s mind control definitely wasn’t going to be easy, but she had to stay by Catra’s side through it all, no matter what. She grabbed Catra’s hand away from her neck and held on to it. “It’s okay. We’ll figure this out.”

Catra blinked a couple tears out of her eyes. “Adora, I…” She paused, deciding what she wanted to say. “...I’m tired.”

Adora led them back to Catra’s room, still holding her hand. Catra didn’t let go, not even after they were in her room and Catra was sitting on her bed. Adora stared at their hands, dumbstruck. “Do…” she struggled, “...do you want me to…?”

Catra’s eyes stared into hers as she slightly tugged at her hand.

_“Stay.”_

They lied down on the bed together, facing each other. Adora draped her arm around Catra and pulled her close. Catra’s tail wrapped itself around Adora’s leg, and she tucked her head under Adora’s chin, nestling into the warmth of her chest. Adora felt Catra mouth something before she drifted off, but she couldn’t make out what it was. It didn’t matter, because she could feel it vibrating in the soft, creaky buzz of Catra’s purr against her chest. She buried her face in Catra’s hair and let the purring lull her to sleep.

Adora was angry for a long time, but now, she felt like everything could be okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh stream selene by imagine dragons, it's one of their best songs


End file.
